Aunt Agony
How I stumbled into being one
Who is an Aunt Agony
The term, as per the internet, refers to individuals who provide guidance and advice on various issues through newspaper columns. These advisors are often trained professionals with expertise in their respective fields, allowing them to offer informed perspectives to their readers.
The term also informally refers to an individual who actively listens to others and offers guidance to friends. Interestingly, I have fallen within this ‘very informal’ category.
After a few years of working as an engineer in the Telecommunications area, my office mate observed that my colleagues would come and sit on an extra ‘red colored’ chair in the office and start chatting about their problems. My office mate wondered why no one would talk to her, but only to me! Side note here is that she was an extrovert, whereas I am neither an extrovert nor an introvert.
Her observation surprised me as well and got me thinking about myself and my qualities, which perhaps prompted folks to come to me, leading me into the informal ‘Aunt Agony’ role.
Qualities that make one a good advice giver (at least in my case):
• Being a good listener: Observe people, let them talk without interruption, and genuinely listen to what they’re saying.
• Being empathetic: I exhibit empathy (sometimes too much, it’s part of my personality). This makes the person talking feel like I can visualize or put myself in their place. This, in turn, makes them comfortable confiding details of their feelings, which they may not be to someone less empathetic.
• Not fixing their problems: I have learned that the ultimate ownership of the problem lies with the person confiding, so I don’t try to fix it. Most of the solution rests with them. They’re often just looking for a compassionate ear to vent their feelings to without the pressure of being judged.
• Being confidential: If you’re known for not gossiping, friends automatically trust you more, knowing their problems will not be made public.
Get Indu Sharma’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
There can be both pros and cons as always in such a role however informal it may be.
Pros:
• Embracing my confidence: There’s something nice about just listening to a friend in need and that they chose to come to you to vent. This usually helps them and also boosts my self-confidence. Each conversation makes me believe that my support really makes a difference.
- Closeness: Since everyone who confides is pretty much a friend, one tends to feel closer towards them and can bring warmth to the friendship in general.
- Respect : I know it’s a bit strange to say this, but in my experience, my opinions have seen an increase in respectability in the professional front by the people who come to me to vent.
- Creativity: In giving people advice, sometimes one has to get creative so that the advice seekers can think it over on their own. This aspect can make your creative instincts stronger.
Cons:
• Emotionally draining: Sometimes, one tends to get more involved than one should, and it can take over your energy. One needs to recognize this and re-assess. It’s ok to step back for your own mental peace.
• Un-necessary advice: Coming to you with trivial matters
- Misunderstandings: There’s a chance that the advice provided could be interpreted in unexpected ways since the role is very informal. This could result in a loss or strain in your friendship with the person.
- Advising people in the same friend group: It can become tricky when close friends come individually to vent. One does not want to be the reason to break that friendship.
- Snap judgment: Since we are all human, there’s a tendency to make snap judgements about people and one has to be careful of not being biased.
I hope that this article helps if you can be an informal ‘Aunt Agony’ to your friends and colleagues and that it’s a beneficial relationship on both sides.
Thanks for sticking with me this long! I’d love to hear from you about your informal Aunt Agony experiences if any, especially since I don’t play the role any longer!
